Emergency Foolery Kit (Pre-Order)

(If you're seeing this, you are in on a little secret. Hehehe. Shh! Don't tell.)

Kits will be shipping early June 2026.

Emergency Foolery Kit™

A portable altar for uncertain times.

Part nervous system reset, part absurdist survival tool, part permission slip to take reality a little less seriously.

Inside this black canvas satchel, trimmed with a delightfully checkered zipper pull, you’ll find a carefully curated collection of practical nonsense designed to interrupt rigidity, disarm existential dread, and restore your innate capacity for play.

Included in Your Kit

Sacred Tools of Foolery

• Black canvas carrying bag with checkered ribbon zipper pull
• Mini jester hat (mock up)
• Laminated License to Fool
• Heart of a Fool handmade felt heart
• Balloon for Existential Emergencies (mock up)
• Absinthe Elektra® throwable glitter (mock up)
• Temporary tattoos of sacred nonsense

Instruments of Immediate Ridiculousness

• Groucho Marx glasses
• Kazoo
• Mini whoopee cushion
• Middle finger finger puppet
• Hand finger puppet
• Two bubble wands
• Small bag of googly eyes (12)
• Two bags of candy fucks 

Printed Foolery Materials

• Foolery Assessment
• Foolery Fortune Teller (cootie catcher)
• Fool Outbreak Protocol
• Advanced Play Protocol
• 34 Tiny Absurdities for the Long-Term Whimsy Fund
• The Fool Protocol Manual (Listed in detail below)

The Fool Protocol Manual (10 pages)

A pocket-sized field guide for navigating late-stage civilization with humor, tenderness, and strategic nonsense.

Includes:

• Welcome to the Department of Sacred Nonsense
• Signs of Excessive Rigidity
• Official Foolery Decree
• Levels of Foolery
• Rhythmic Re-Regulation Procedure
• Emergency Declaration of Sacred Nonsense
• Jester’s Privilege Information
• Improviser’s Field Guide
• Make-Believe Scavenger Hunt
• Final Transmission

What Is This, Exactly?

The Emergency Foolery Kit™ was created for anyone who feels overwhelmed by the seriousness of modern life.

Whether you're navigating burnout, doomscrolling, an existential spiral, or simply forgetting that you are a wildly improbable being on a spinning rock in space, this kit offers a playful invitation to loosen your grip and re-enter the world with curiosity.

It is equal parts:

• Nervous system support
• Trickster medicine
• Portable absurdity
• Contraband for a collapsing empire

Ideal For

• Over-thinkers
• Recovering perfectionists
• Therapists, artists, and revolutionaries
• People holding too much
• Anyone who suspects reality may be stranger and more playful than advertised

Warning

Side effects may include:

• Spontaneous laughter
• Reduced reverence for arbitrary rules
• Increased flexibility of thought
• Temporary outbreaks of joy
• The unsettling realization that you were allowed to be this weird all along.